COLLECTIVE HOPES
Healing from sexual trauma is an individual as well as community process. We must wholly work through these traumatic experiences and oppressions. In doing so, we unearth secrets and shame. The Sexy Survivor workshop series has traveled across the country to share healing space with survivors. We have gathered the collective hopes of participants to shed light on what seek to achieve in our journeys to becoming sexy survivors.
...to be able to say “I don’t want sex” when I didn’t want sex...
...being in control during sex work...
...simple things partners can do & be able to ask for that: self-care after sex, cuddles, finding a safe environment.
...talking with survivor friends...
...not being trapped in negative sexuality, exploring other options, “stepping outside the box”...
...affirmations with partner about body deserving...
...not putting myself on the abuse hierarchy- saying my abuse was wrong no matter how it happened.
...allowing the process to happen...
...giving yourself permission to cry...
...long drives in the dark with windows down...
...sitting near the river, writing...
....masturbation....
...therapy...
...telling friends and other people...
...outing our assailants...
...moving in a thoughtful way, yoga...
...telling people “no”...
...community with other survivors/victims, online communities like project unbreakable…
...set clear boundaries on hook-ups initially...
...allowing yourself to be single/embracing being alone...
...allowing yourself to leave toxic people...
...verbalize needs with loved ones after coming out to them...
...telling partners about past trauma, explaining possible post-traumatic reactions...
...not making a huge deal about the experience...
...not letting my experience define me...
...acknowledging your own power and embracing new loved ones who support you…
...progressive muscle relaxation- physically “letting it go”..
...sour candies/sensory intervention…
...communication...
...self-defense...
...sexy photo shoot...
...talk about it when you want...
...release negativity...
...express anger…
...code words- yes/no...
...Survivors Guide to Sex...
...a good relationship, wonderful partner…
...to be able to say “I don’t want sex” when I didn’t want sex...
...being in control during sex work...
...simple things partners can do & be able to ask for that: self-care after sex, cuddles, finding a safe environment.
...talking with survivor friends...
...not being trapped in negative sexuality, exploring other options, “stepping outside the box”...
...affirmations with partner about body deserving...
...not putting myself on the abuse hierarchy- saying my abuse was wrong no matter how it happened.
...allowing the process to happen...
...giving yourself permission to cry...
...long drives in the dark with windows down...
...sitting near the river, writing...
....masturbation....
...therapy...
...telling friends and other people...
...outing our assailants...
...moving in a thoughtful way, yoga...
...telling people “no”...
...community with other survivors/victims, online communities like project unbreakable…
...set clear boundaries on hook-ups initially...
...allowing yourself to be single/embracing being alone...
...allowing yourself to leave toxic people...
...verbalize needs with loved ones after coming out to them...
...telling partners about past trauma, explaining possible post-traumatic reactions...
...not making a huge deal about the experience...
...not letting my experience define me...
...acknowledging your own power and embracing new loved ones who support you...
...progressive muscle relaxation- physically “letting it go”..
...sour candies/sensory intervention…
...communication...
...self-defense...
...sexy photo shoot...
...talk about it when you want...
...release negativity...
...express anger...
...Survivors Guide to Sex...
...a good relationship, wonderful partner...
...pink, political activism...
...cope by taking myself out & convincing myself I can move forward, seek release, put mind in the back…
BDSM spaces and narrow narratives of assault, commitment to teaching negotiation, ethical workshop facilitation...
...sex with my partner, my own sexuality...
...communication balance, when to hold back about disclosure...
...healing energy, tools to share with other survivors…
...community…
...learn from others about how they help themselves; get more comfy with my body; be able to feel emotions again…
...feel more free and willing to experiment; be less anxious around my desire and sexuality in general...better know what I want…
...tools for embodiment and being present…
...open up emotionally to men/male identities and explore that are of my sexuality, finally…
...feeling of connection...further resiliency...skill sets to feel more sexy…
...connection...stories of hope...where the triggers stopped and they fel better about sex again…
...ways to bring in these conversations and battle shame and secrecy about sexual trauma within the queer community…
...I want to learn from my fellow queer survivors; I want to hear how they’ve been handling their trauma; I want to heal.
...I hope to gain more closure in my journey and to share methods of healing in the workshop; I hope to find empowerment and freedom.
...be a better lover to survivors…
...acknowledging it happened…
...excited to figure it out together…
...hear how others have navigated survivorship in day-to-day life (personal and professional)...
...embodiment, awareness of my physicality, freedom to say yes to sex more easily, freedom to have kinky sex…
...be in a vulnerable space with other survivors and share…
...free from fear; not absence of fear, but agency in my own presence…
...I want to be able to create conversations about my sexual assault…
...not really sure what it means to be a “sexy survivor”, but I’m excited to learn. I’m interested in hearing everyone else’s stories of survival.
...understand what sexy survivorship is…
...be more aware...sensitive to other forms of trauma that are not my own…
...peace of mind...affirmation...tools for change…
...tools...growth...reconnect...empowerment...reclamation...self-awareness…
...being able to move forward…
...how to bring my survivorship more authentically into my work and my sex life…
...the confidence to stand up and talk about my experiences…
...I hope to take this work back to the community I live in and work for community of survivorship...spread the truth...restore justice for our community of survivors…
...to feel validated in my experiences; better understand how to control triggers…
...community tools…
...how to negotiate my survivorship as a minister...holding my wholeness and brokenness together…
...new coping tools when my partner or I are triggered during sex...new tools to overcome shame and guilt I have about taboo desires and fantasies…
...healing...community...strength...validation...oxygen…
...to maybe feel like I’m not alone...help my relationship...bring more tools to my partner…
...coping...being honest...pleasurable sex for all partners involved…
...to have a better relationship with my desires, to have more confidence owning them, naming them, embodying them, loving them...
...being in control during sex work...
...simple things partners can do & be able to ask for that: self-care after sex, cuddles, finding a safe environment.
...talking with survivor friends...
...not being trapped in negative sexuality, exploring other options, “stepping outside the box”...
...affirmations with partner about body deserving...
...not putting myself on the abuse hierarchy- saying my abuse was wrong no matter how it happened.
...allowing the process to happen...
...giving yourself permission to cry...
...long drives in the dark with windows down...
...sitting near the river, writing...
....masturbation....
...therapy...
...telling friends and other people...
...outing our assailants...
...moving in a thoughtful way, yoga...
...telling people “no”...
...community with other survivors/victims, online communities like project unbreakable…
...set clear boundaries on hook-ups initially...
...allowing yourself to be single/embracing being alone...
...allowing yourself to leave toxic people...
...verbalize needs with loved ones after coming out to them...
...telling partners about past trauma, explaining possible post-traumatic reactions...
...not making a huge deal about the experience...
...not letting my experience define me...
...acknowledging your own power and embracing new loved ones who support you…
...progressive muscle relaxation- physically “letting it go”..
...sour candies/sensory intervention…
...communication...
...self-defense...
...sexy photo shoot...
...talk about it when you want...
...release negativity...
...express anger…
...code words- yes/no...
...Survivors Guide to Sex...
...a good relationship, wonderful partner…
...to be able to say “I don’t want sex” when I didn’t want sex...
...being in control during sex work...
...simple things partners can do & be able to ask for that: self-care after sex, cuddles, finding a safe environment.
...talking with survivor friends...
...not being trapped in negative sexuality, exploring other options, “stepping outside the box”...
...affirmations with partner about body deserving...
...not putting myself on the abuse hierarchy- saying my abuse was wrong no matter how it happened.
...allowing the process to happen...
...giving yourself permission to cry...
...long drives in the dark with windows down...
...sitting near the river, writing...
....masturbation....
...therapy...
...telling friends and other people...
...outing our assailants...
...moving in a thoughtful way, yoga...
...telling people “no”...
...community with other survivors/victims, online communities like project unbreakable…
...set clear boundaries on hook-ups initially...
...allowing yourself to be single/embracing being alone...
...allowing yourself to leave toxic people...
...verbalize needs with loved ones after coming out to them...
...telling partners about past trauma, explaining possible post-traumatic reactions...
...not making a huge deal about the experience...
...not letting my experience define me...
...acknowledging your own power and embracing new loved ones who support you...
...progressive muscle relaxation- physically “letting it go”..
...sour candies/sensory intervention…
...communication...
...self-defense...
...sexy photo shoot...
...talk about it when you want...
...release negativity...
...express anger...
...Survivors Guide to Sex...
...a good relationship, wonderful partner...
...pink, political activism...
...cope by taking myself out & convincing myself I can move forward, seek release, put mind in the back…
BDSM spaces and narrow narratives of assault, commitment to teaching negotiation, ethical workshop facilitation...
...sex with my partner, my own sexuality...
...communication balance, when to hold back about disclosure...
...healing energy, tools to share with other survivors…
...community…
...learn from others about how they help themselves; get more comfy with my body; be able to feel emotions again…
...feel more free and willing to experiment; be less anxious around my desire and sexuality in general...better know what I want…
...tools for embodiment and being present…
...open up emotionally to men/male identities and explore that are of my sexuality, finally…
...feeling of connection...further resiliency...skill sets to feel more sexy…
...connection...stories of hope...where the triggers stopped and they fel better about sex again…
...ways to bring in these conversations and battle shame and secrecy about sexual trauma within the queer community…
...I want to learn from my fellow queer survivors; I want to hear how they’ve been handling their trauma; I want to heal.
...I hope to gain more closure in my journey and to share methods of healing in the workshop; I hope to find empowerment and freedom.
...be a better lover to survivors…
...acknowledging it happened…
...excited to figure it out together…
...hear how others have navigated survivorship in day-to-day life (personal and professional)...
...embodiment, awareness of my physicality, freedom to say yes to sex more easily, freedom to have kinky sex…
...be in a vulnerable space with other survivors and share…
...free from fear; not absence of fear, but agency in my own presence…
...I want to be able to create conversations about my sexual assault…
...not really sure what it means to be a “sexy survivor”, but I’m excited to learn. I’m interested in hearing everyone else’s stories of survival.
...understand what sexy survivorship is…
...be more aware...sensitive to other forms of trauma that are not my own…
...peace of mind...affirmation...tools for change…
...tools...growth...reconnect...empowerment...reclamation...self-awareness…
...being able to move forward…
...how to bring my survivorship more authentically into my work and my sex life…
...the confidence to stand up and talk about my experiences…
...I hope to take this work back to the community I live in and work for community of survivorship...spread the truth...restore justice for our community of survivors…
...to feel validated in my experiences; better understand how to control triggers…
...community tools…
...how to negotiate my survivorship as a minister...holding my wholeness and brokenness together…
...new coping tools when my partner or I are triggered during sex...new tools to overcome shame and guilt I have about taboo desires and fantasies…
...healing...community...strength...validation...oxygen…
...to maybe feel like I’m not alone...help my relationship...bring more tools to my partner…
...coping...being honest...pleasurable sex for all partners involved…
...to have a better relationship with my desires, to have more confidence owning them, naming them, embodying them, loving them...
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